Tuesday, January 5, 2010

i fear that i'll make the same mistakes that they did. i fear that i'll never be able to live with a healthy relationship, because the only "healthy" relationship in which i know is the abusive one led by my parents. I'm afraid that because of this, I'll never be able to trust anyone.
I fear that I'll never be able to look him, or anyone, in the eyes and actually mean it when i say "i'll miss you, or i love you, or i need you." I'm afraid i'll always have to look away or not be able to say it, because i won't mean it.
I'm afraid i'm heading down the same path that they were on, and that I won't be able to forge ahead on the better path, the one i so helplessly need to tread my tracks on. I fear that i am destined to be just like them... and i fear that i'll hate myself because of that.

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