Tuesday, September 29, 2009
My oldest son lives with his dad. He chose to go live with his dad and I could have spent $100,000 to fight it and maybe won the court battle and caused my son unknown emotional damage to resent the hell out of me, or I could let him live with his dad and miss him everyday of my life. I chose to let him live with his dad. And missing him leaves a hole in me that most people will never understand. My new husband and I tried for 10 years to have a child - and we did!!! We have an absolutely beautiful almost 3 year old little boy who is the light of my life. He doesn't replace his big brother, but he brings me joy every single day. My fear? My gut-wrenching, deepest, darkest, most horrific fear? That my oldest son going to live with his dad was the universe's way of telling me I wasn't meant to be a mom and now I've tempted fate and something horrible is going to happen to my little boy and I'm going to lose him too. I can't sleep at night sometimes because I am so scared.
Posted by Online Blog at 7:46 PM