i fear finding out that he actually IS dead, something that i (and my heart) refuse to believe. i think about it almost every day. i do not know what i'm gonna do if he is.
cry, go into depression, i honestly dont know. part of me actually almost believes it, but the rest of me refuses to acknowledge it. i just refuse. he cant be dead. he CANT. i will only believe it under one circumstance. and i have no idea whatsoever how i'm to go about finding out about it. so i guess my poor heart must suffer through this until i know for sure, not that i entirely want to know in the first place..
:(

f/17